Book Review: I Don't Care About Your Band

In the vein of Chelsea Handler, comedy writer and performer Julie Klausner's I Don't Care About Your Band is a hilarious guide to all the weirdos and losers Klausner has dated -- and what she's learned from it.

There was her obsession with an actor who played Sweeney Todd on Broadway. Her time in her teenage years spent calling a "special hotline." Noah, the younger guy whose bed had a surprise treat in store for Klausner -- bedbugs! And Rob, the guy who was a Star Wars fanatic and gave her herpes. All fun times.

Besides laughing at her past mistakes in the dating pool, Klausner riffs on how Kermit was so not into Miss Piggy (right on!) and how a meet-up with a male pen pal 20 years later was like a scene in Fargo (the one where Marge meets up with her high school friend at a Radisson hotel in Minnesota -- Klausner and her pen pal even met up at the same hotel). She also subtly gives dating advice and pretty much says it's OK to make dumb choices and go out with the wrong types of guys -- as long as you learn from your mistakes and figure out what's acceptable to you and what's not.

Book Review: Running with Scissors

Augusten Burroughs' memoir Running with Scissors can on one page make you laugh out loud, and on the next completely horrify you.

The book, originally published in 2002 (and later adapted into a movie), goes back to the time when Burroughs was a 12-year-old kid with a crazy mom and a withdrawn father. After his parents separate, Burroughs' mother decides to leave him with her eccentric psychiatrist, Dr. Finch, and his houseful of wacky relatives.

Dr. Finch is a character all by himself. He claims to has a "masturbatorium" in his office and, in one hilarious chapter, sees his poops as a sign from God (nope, I'm not making this up). Along with Dr. Finch is his long-suffering wife Agnes, 28-year-old live-in daughter Hope (who does a "Bible dip" to tell her fortune) and 13-year-old wild girl Natalie, a person Burroughs becomes very close to. Other children, both real and adopted, filter in and out of the house, along with other live-in patients. For years, Burroughs goes back and forth between living with the Finches and living with his mother and her girlfriend.

Some parts of Burroughs' book, such as the feces indecent and Burroughs and Natalie's attempt to create a skylight in the kitchen, are amusing. Others, like Hope trying to mercy kill her cat and Burroughs' mother letting a mental patient live with them, are a little crazy. And even beyond that, the stories of Burroughs being encouraged by his mother and Dr. Finch to "fake suicide" so he can spend some time in a psychiatric ward just so he doesn't have to go to school, and his sexual relationship with Dr. Finch's 33-year-old adopted son, are downright horrifying. It's clear that, no matter where he was living, Burroughs had virtually no adult supervision and was allowed to live however he wanted.

Growing up completely different than the vast majority of other teenagers, Burroughs has quite the gripping story to tell. Although he changed the names of those involved, he was later sued by the doctor's family, who claimed his story was exaggerated and embellished. Burroughs stands by what he wrote. His book is one that seems too crazy to have been fabricated -- how do you make stuff like this up?

Book Review: How to Get Divorced by 30

When I first received this book, I thought, "Huh. What is this? Is this an advice book on how to get divorced?"

But once I started flipping through the pages, I realized How to Get Divorced By 30: My Misguided Attempt at a Starter Marriage, written by Sascha Rothchild, was a memoir.

The book starts with Rothchild approaching her 30th birthday and realizing she didn't want Jeff, her husband of 2 and a half years, at her party. Then Rothchild takes us back to her relationships before Jeff, what went wrong with those, when she met Jeff, how their relationship started out, when they decided to get married, and how Rothchild eventually decided to get divorced.

Rothchild, a TV producer and freelance writer for many newspapers and blogs, is so insightful about both her self and her significant others in all her relationships. Her unfortunately too late hindsight on her relationships may help the people reading her book. She walks the reader through her relationship and shows them the warning signs she missed. For example, she went to a lingerie party at the Playboy Mansion with another guy while she was dating Jeff, and he didn't seem to care. She also had to buy her own engagement ring, and could never get Jeff off of his La-Z-Boy recliner and away from his pot.

Rothchild's style of writing reminds me a lot of Chelsea Handler's, so if you like Handler's books, you'll love How to Get Divorced by 30. Besides rehashing her relationships, Rothchild lets us in on her wild child past (she started doing cocaine at age 13 and was dating a 19-year-old drug dealer at the time), and her kooky mother Susan (who doesn't allow her child to call her any form of "mom") who advised Rothchild, "Snort it if you must, but never inject heroin."

I'd be interested to see what a happily married twentysomething thinks of this book. As a single gal, I appreciated Rothchild's analysis of her relationships and marriage, and I think it showed me even more to be aware of the signs of a relationship that just won't work. I think it'd also be a helpful read of guys and girls who are thinking about taking the plunge.

Disclaimer: I received a complimentary advanced review copy of this book from the publisher.